Catch A Crab

I feel super stressed. ._.
Ah jeez. I ALWAYS feel super stressed.

Most people are able to enjoy their weekends while my weekend never seems to be like a weekend to me.

I think Im having more like a 6-day-work week.
Others may think that my weekend isnt really all that packed.
But you are you and I am me.

If my weekend tuition durations are added up, they can almost take up my whole day.

Saturday : 10:15-11:15 am (piano class)
Saturday afternoon/evening/Sunday morning : 1 1/2 hours - 3 hours (uncle tuition)
Sunday afternoon : 1 1/2 hours. (chinese tuition)

The thing is, my chinese tuition isnt exactly 1 1/2 hours.
It can stretch up to 4 hours.
That is inclusive of travelling time.

I live in Hougang and my teacher lives at Bukit Gombak/Batok or somewhere close to there.
It takes about 1 hour to get from my house to her place.

And after dont know how long of going to and fro her place for chinese tuition, I dont think I've improved much.
Im thinking of stopping my tuition. Seriously.
Its taking up so much of my time and yet I dont see much myself improving much.

To be exact, Im still a C6/5(If Im lucky + God bless me).
Even YX that joker still wins me.

My recent chinese test, I said to myself, if I got at least 30/50(I've never reached the 30th mark before) I'll be overjoyed.
I got 31. And I thought it was the most amazing feat in my history of chinese learning.
Guess what. Macus and Heng got 34/34 1/2 for their tests.
Ok fine, I'll close one eye.

Whats more, YX got 32.
Is that pure luck, coincidence, or fate?
It seriously demoralised me.

I studied until I almost died from exhaustion and loss of brain cells for last year's FYE HCL paper.
And I got a C6.
Yes. The trio all got at least a C5.

To top it off, I failed my compo(I think, about 34/70), and my main paper was a borderline pass.. about 56 or 57/110.
I remember at that time, Jackie brought something up to Ms Wong.

It was a word error.
Ms Wong said whoever who also wrote this word, AND with the main stroke overshot-ing another stroke, would be awarded with -1 mark.

She checked Heng. Pass. Checked YX. Pass. Checked Macus. Pass.
Check me. Fail.
And she took it to the teacher for my reward of -1 mark.

I almost cried when she took it away. Anymore loss of marks would result in me failing in my HCL paper on the overall.
Which also indirectly meant that I would not be able to take HCL again next year.(i Think)

I couldnt afford to fail my paper.
I got a C for FYE chinese in 2007 as wel.
After all that studying.. how am I going to face my teacher after that?
Luckily I think I didnt get my reward.

But still, I know Im in the highly dangerous and "volatile" zone.
Just a few more errors = Fail.

I dont know man. Does the tuition help me in anyway? I dont know.

And since the chinese tuition takes up so much of my time without producing much results, which I know I can use more productively with other subjects, I've pretty much decided to drop it.

I dont think its worth it. Every month my mum asks me to pass a thick band of notes to my teacher.
And yet I havent been producing any result.

I feel like Im wasting their money.
With or without chinese tuition, I'll still be a C grader.


I always find myself struggling with tuition work every weekend.
I've decided to stop giving myself pressure. If this goes on, one day I'll see myself ending up in IMH.
I might even be the next "techno-king".

Life isnt all about studying. I saw this on 2/3's classblog.

Rest assured, even if I dont carry on chinese tuition in the future, I'll still be working on my Chinese.
I'll read the Chinese papers more often.
And that goes for English as well.

That reminded me. Anyone watched InkHeart? Was it nice?
Yesterday, I saw the book at Popular. I saw the Kite Runner as well.
I heard that the Kite Runner is a nice book O:

And now I cant decide which to buy. I can only buy a maximum of ONE book since I doubt I'll have the time to read both. ._.

CRAPPED with Shin Yin yesterday. O:

As for the chinese thing, I'll just see what comes my way.
I really cant take the stress anymore.
I'd choose to fail chinese rather than ace it and then end up in IMH.

I know its a crucial year this year since Im taking the O level chinese.
And Im expected to get a B3.

I'll just do what I can to prepare for it.
Read, read, read. I heard this so many times from english and chinese teachers that I can memorise it already... oh wait, who cant? LOL.

If its meant to be mine, it will be.
If not, I'll just have to let go.

Sigh. Why is my life always clouded with so many problems. It hurts me.